


Issues

by BillEffingCipher



Category: Night In The Woods (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Beating, Crying, Cussing, Cuts, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Face Punching, Gen, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Panic Attacks, Self Confidence Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Yelling, body issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BillEffingCipher/pseuds/BillEffingCipher
Summary: Gregg and Angus are finally moving to a better life in Bright Harbor. Their tortures of being the only queers in town will soon vanish as they start a new, happy life. Everything seems to be going right.On the opposite side of the spectrum, there's Mae Borowski, who just returned home from college; dropping out of college. Everything seems to be going horribly wrong as her best friend and partner in crime, Gregg, leaves town.She's lost and alone with the insecurities in her head as her only friend left is Bea, who's less than ecstatic to have to tend to Mae's anxiety attack.





	Issues

**Author's Note:**

> So I missed the memo where Selmers is a girl??? I thought Selmers was a boy. The first part of this was written months ago way before I did find out she was a girl. I guess she was referenced in the game as a she but i missed that XD plus i was too lazy to change it

Mae had been back in Possum Springs for almost six months now. Autumn had long turned to winter and now warmer weather threatened the air as spring drew closer every day. Gregg and Angus were getting prepared to move to their new place in Bright Harbor. Once the weather got a little nicer they would sign the lease and move in. Mae agreed to help the two pack and move all their belongings.

The morning sunlight penetrated the window of the no-longer-a-teen Mae Borowski. She peeled her eyes open and let out a breathy groan, realizing she was alive for yet again another day.  
Movements like an unenthusiastic zombie, she sat up and stretched, crawling over her bed to reach her shoes. She could feel the heat of the morning sun already. Well… the now afternoon sun.  
“Ugh. Why is it so bright? The sun needs to chill.” 

Mae quickly discarded the shirt she slept in as well as wore the day before. It would be too hot for her favorite long sleeve shirt. She scanned a nearby basket of clothes yet to be folded and pressed away in drawers. She grabbed the first short sleeved tee and slipped it on. After smoothing out the neglected wrinkles, she checked the dark blue pants she slept in; having worn them the day before as well. They looked clean enough. Who cares as long as she didn’t smell, right? And besides, everyone probably did the same thing. Right? …

Either way, she slipped on her short boots and reached for her laptop.  
Today, Gregg messaged Mae telling her to come over. She bit her bottom lip hard as she stared at the chat bubble on her screen, demanding a quick response.

“Omw dude” she typed back, sending it with a quick tap on the enter key. A faint swoosh noise filled her room as the message sent.  
There were unread messages from Bea and Angus but she didn’t check them. She closed the laptop immediately after seeing Gregg view and start to type a response.  
For an odd reason, Mae didn’t feel good. She felt… dread. And sad. Was it because her best friend and partner in crime was moving away? Probably.  
“God, Mae you’re so fucking selfish! Be happy for your friends! Gregg deserves this! He and Angus both deserve to get away. And they worked long and hard for this moment too!”

After her own pep talk, Mae rushed by her full-length mirror. She didn’t want to see herself. She’s just learned to assume she looked horrible in everything; and embrace it. As she ran for the stairs a quick and idiotic thought popped in her head. With no time to think things fully through, because of losing precious momentum, she side hopped on the railing and slid down the stairs. She was surprised it worked! She’d seen it on cartoons before but never tried it herself.  
“Yes!”

Her eyes widened when the post at the end of the rail came closer dangerously fast with arms wide open.  
“Aw crap!”  
Mae didn’t have time to bail. All she managed to do was awkwardly lean up into it, it mashing in her hip. She rolled over it with a pained groan, fully expecting to just die on the floor. Amazingly she ended up landing on her feet, still doubled over. It took her a good minute to realize she wasn’t sprawled out on the floor and she stood proudly with her arms up as if to say “ta-dah!”. She bowed to her pretend audience when the voice of her mother made her gasp. She didn’t think anyone was home since she woke up so late.

“Come say hello, hun,”

“Okay, mom.”  
Mae’s mother’s morning voice was always a pleasant start to the day. She entered the kitchen where her mom sat, reading one of her x-files books. She should have already been at the church by now, but Mae guessed she wanted to talk to her first. Her mom looked a little stressed, though she tried to hide it. Mae knew well they were struggling with bills, especially the house. She felt a little guilty since she wasn’t working or in school. But Mae didn’t know what she wanted to do… She didn’t want to work a boring job the rest of her life. And school just didn’t work out. The 20-year-old hopped on a clear space on the counter.  
“What’s up?”

“Haven’t seen that shirt in a while. You and Gregg call each other?”

Mae looked down at the black t-shirt she had thrown on. Memories of skipping class senior year in high school with Gregg and going to the mall flooded in as she snickered. In white block letters read “SUCK IT” and an arrow pointing down. Gregg had a matching black shirt but his read “EAT IT”

“Nah. I just grabbed anything. I’m probably gonna go over and help Gregg and Angus pack today.”

“Oh that’s nice, dear. How are you feeling?”

Mae raised an eyebrow, now looking up from her shirt.  
“Feeling about what?”

“About Gregg and Angus leaving. It’s okay to be sad that your friends are moving away. I’m always here to listen.”

“Thanks but I’m fine.”  
Mae didn’t want to focus on the fact that Gregg and Angus were leaving soon. It did make her sad. And a little angry… She missed so much while at stupid college! So much has changed… Her best friend was leaving… She comes back and then Gregg goes and leaves?! And then there’s Angus… Mae had just started getting close with him. She liked him. But soon they’ll be gone. Sure, she can go visit but it won’t be the same as having them right here. Thank God Bea wasn’t going anywhere. At least not that she knew of or remembered. 

Her mom cleared her throat, beckoning Mae’s attention back from her thoughts. She wasn’t convinced that Mae had truly come to terms with everything yet. She just wanted her baby to be honest with herself.

“I’m fine mom! Really!”

“Whatever you say, hun.”

“…”

“…”

“I’m heading out now.”

“Be safe. And maybe stop by the church if you’re around.”

“I’ll be back later. Bye, mom.”

Mae hopped off the counter and hurried out the door like an energetic kid. However, the sudden warmth of the spring air sucked away her energy.  
“Ugh. It’s hot.”

She chose not to run, not exactly wanting to sweat too much. It wasn’t long from walking that Mae started pulling her shirt, sweat making her feel sticky.  
“The sun should be arrested…”

She smiled when she saw Selmers sitting on the steps as usual.  
“What is UP SELMERS?”

The boy gave a half nod in response. He had a little portable fan he was using to keep himself cool.  
“Hey, Borowski. Cool shirt. Wanna hear a new poem?”

“Sure!”

“On sunny days it’s hot. But with my fans, I’m not.”

“Noice.”

Mae waved to him as she continued her way to the apartments Gregg and Angus lived in.  
“Hm.”  
The button still wasn’t fixed to buzz in to their floor. She was about to risk electrocuting herself to try and use the call button but thankfully Gregg walked up, carrying a bunch of flattened out cardboard boxes.

“Hey dude!!”

“Yo. Your call button is still missing.”

“Who cares?! We’re getting out of here! Hey, I remember that shirt!”

“Right?!”

Mae followed Gregg up to the apartment and walked in the living area. Angus and Bea were sitting on the couch, and Mae walked over to them. There were a few boxes sitting out; all taped and ready to go.  
“I see you’ve started without me.”

“We were taking a break.” Angus fixed his glasses before standing up.

“Yeah so now we’re all here and I have more boxes, we can finish this!” Gregg passed half the flattened boxes to Mae and kept the rest.  
“You and Bea finish this room and we’ll get the kitchen.”

Mae smiled at Bea and held up the boxes like a trophy.  
“We got this!!”

Bea barely acknowledged her “motivational” words as she put out her cigarette in a nearby ashtray.  
“Let’s get this over with.”

She grabbed the boxes away from her to assemble them correctly. Mae allowed her to do that while she went over to the walls and removed pictures in frames. There were many times when Mae would be oblivious to Bea’s stand-offish nature. Her own hyper activity that would be enhanced around Gregg usually cancelled her out. But today was different. As much as she tried, she wasn’t feeling happy or excited. Consequently, Mae took Bea’s nature personally. She assumed it was all personal jabs at just her to prove how worthless and annoying she is to other people by just existing. The fact that she felt like Bea hated her, made her crave to get acceptance from her. Maybe if she wasn’t so loud then Bea would like her more? Bea was probably dreading that Gregg and Angus were leaving. It meant she’d be stuck with Mae… Annoying, uninteresting, stupid Mae… She was probably going to leave soon too just to get away from her. Now that Mae was fully discouraged by her own poisonous thoughts, she stacked the frames in her arms. Most of the pictures were of Gregg and Angus. She was further saddened by the happy couple embracing each other then she got to a group photo. It was of all of them; Gregg, Angus, Bea, and Mae. It was after high school graduation, them all still dressed in the gowns and had their arms wrapped around each other. It was such a sweet memory it tasted almost sour now. Mae smiled despite the memory giving her a pain in her chest. Everything was perfect. Angus was on the far left, held by Gregg who held Mae, and Bea on the other side of her. Before she left for college everything was great. 

“Hey, Bea. Come look at this.”  
She looked up at her gothic friend now at her side, looking at the group picture. Bea smirked and nodded.  
“I have that one too.”

“Really?”  
Mae looked back at the photo then got a brilliant idea.  
“Hey!”  
She followed Bea who returned her attention to placing DVDs and video games in a box.  
“We need to do this again!” She held the frame out to her friend.

Bea looked slightly amused.  
“We need to graduate high school again?” She knew what the shorter girl meant but chose to flaunt her poor explanation skills.

“No!”  
Mae huffed and raised the picture higher, her other arm cradling the other frames.  
“WE NEED TO TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE. TO REMEMBER EACH OTHER!”

“Don’t shout,” she deadpanned. “And it’s not like they’re going to war or anything where we won’t see them again in years.”

Mae frowned and lowered the frame. Her mood was instantly switched back to depression as she sat on her knees in front of the coffee table, placing the picture carefully in an empty box. Bea looked over at her and contemplated what to say. Though Mae can be very draining, she still rather her be happy than sad. She quickly handed her some newspaper before she placed another picture in the box.  
“Here. Wrap them up so they don’t scratch each other.”

“Oh!” She jumped, quickly placing the picture in her lap. She couldn’t believe she didn’t think of that. “Good idea…” Mae quietly pulled a page out and awkwardly shaped it around the frame.

“But yeah… It’s not a bad idea to take another picture.” Bea gave a slight smile as she retrieved the group photo and wrapped it up in newspaper before returning it to the box. Mae smiled at her, feeling a lot better knowing that her idea wasn’t stupid. She placed the frame she just finished wrapping next, and they both continued this process until all the frames were packed. Bea taped up the boxes once everything was put away. Nothing was left in the living room except the furniture.

Gregg came out of the kitchen with boxes along with Angus.  
“How you guys doing in here?”

“We’re done!” Mae stood up and looked around.

“Great! Let’s take all the boxes and load up the moving truck! I already turned in the keys to the landlord so let’s make sure we have everything before we leave.”

“What about the couch? And table and everything else?”

Gregg shrugged, not seeming bothered. Angus was the one to explain to Mae.  
“We’ve ordered new stuff to be sent to our new place. If either of you want any of this old junk you can take it.”

“I’m good,” Bea responded.

“Come on come on let’s go already!!”

Gregg took as many boxes as he could carry after making a quick check that they had everything. Angus followed his boyfriend but paused at the door, turning back to the girls.  
“If you two can get those, that’d be great.”

Mae nodded, wrapping her arms around the box that held the picture frames. She attempted to place the box on another one but Bea stopped her.  
“I’ll get the rest. You just carry that one.”

“Thanks!”  
She smiled and held her box as she took one last look around. It looked weird to see all the furniture in place yet everything missing. Her smile faded slowly without her noticing. Bea had gathered the other two boxes and watched Mae.  
“You need a minute?”

Mae shook her head and forced a smile. “No, I’m ready.” She sighed heavily. She wasn’t ready. “Hey. Um… Are you working tonight?”

Bea did have to work as well as finish some bills but she could see the need in Mae’s eyes.  
“No. I’m off tonight,” she lied. She could call someone else in to work tonight, and she supposed the bills would be fine if she put them off a little bit.

“C-cool…” She couldn’t bring herself to ask for help. She was too embarrassed to admit she needed someone.

“Wanna hang out?”

“YES! U-uhh, I mean… Sure.” She stared down at the floor, not acknowledging her blush.

Bea smirked and held open the door for Mae, following her outside where the others were waiting. Angus took the boxes from them and placed them in the back of the truck. Mae stood awkwardly, holding her hands when she met eyes with Gregg.

“Too bad you didn’t fall down the stairs and break your neck.”

“Too bad you didn’t get ran over by the moving truck,” she laughed as she hugged Gregg tightly, not ever wanting to let go of him. She wanted to say so much more. She wanted to beg him not to go and tell him how much she needed him. Too worried what his response might be, she swallowed her wishes. When they did part, Angus walked up and gave her a huge bear hug.  
“Oof- don’t break me, big guy.” Mae couldn’t return the hug near as tightly as it was received. She chuckled at him when she could finally breathe.

“We can still email each other every day.”

“Definitely!”

Gregg and Angus said their goodbyes to Bea then went to get in the truck. They waved and yelled more goodbyes to each other even though the truck hadn’t moved yet. Angus stuck his head out of the driver’s window and tipped his hat off to Mae. She grinned, doing a female curtsy. They waved as the truck pulled off onto the road and watched it get further away. Mae was biting her lip to fight back the tears. Bea silently rubbed a hand on her back and pulled her close.  
“They’re just in another city. We’ll go visit all the time.”

Mae appreciated the attempt at helping but it didn’t ease the pain she was feeling. Before Bea could light another cigarette, Mae shrieked. She fumbled her lighter and looked up.  
“What?!”

“I FORGOT ABOUT THE PITCURE!”  
Mae ran after the truck, ignoring Bea’s yells. She couldn’t explain why she was running after the truck. There was no way she could keep up with it. It was already out of sight but she kept running. 

“MAE! It’s just a picture!”  
Bea huffed and shouted after her. She ran for a bit but it was too hard on her lungs.

“No it’s not!!” Her eyes filled with tears as she slowed to a stop. “It’s not…” She collapsed to her knees, not thinking about the concrete beneath her. The jolt of pain in her knees was nothing compared to what she was feeling. At least it gave her a distraction.  
Bea caught up with her and moved her hair to one shoulder.  
“Dammit, Mae. It’s too hot to be running after you!”

“I need that picture…” She planted the palms of her hands on the sidewalk and stared down at it. She needed more than the picture, she needed them back. “I already forgot what they look like.”

“Oh, please.”  
Bea rolled her eyes at Mae’s exaggeration. She was about to say something else when she noticed a drop fall on the sidewalk. It was one of Mae’s tears. She sighed and crouched down beside her.  
“Come on, get up.”

Mae didn’t respond or look at her. Bea thought of how she was going to convince her to get off the ground. She didn’t feel like flinging her over her shoulder to carry her.  
“Are you hungry?”

“… Yes…”

“Then get up. We’ll go get something to eat. How about that new taco place?”

Mae sniffed and rubbed her wet cheek. “I love tacos…” she blubbered. Bea extended her hand and helped her up. Mae quickly stopped her tears and walked with Bea back to the apartments where her car was parked. She felt embarrassed for running off like a maniac. She felt embarrassed that Bea was now having to entertain her like a child by taking her out to eat so she’d stop crying. She hated herself. Bea on the other hand, knew how close Mae was with Gregg and could only imagine how it must feel to her. Her best friend was no longer a few blocks away. Her and Gregg were like twins. Bea couldn’t hold it against her for feeling needy. She just wanted to make sure she was okay.  
When they got back to her car, Mae got in on the passenger’s side. They were both silent as Bea started the car and began driving. She lit a cigarette and glanced over at Mae who was staring blankly out of the window. Mae went back and forth with focusing on the pain in her knees to the suffocating feeling in her chest. Her thoughts continued to pummel her down with ideas of rejection, abandonment, and hatred. She tried to solely thinking about the pulsing pain in her knees until it rose to pounding in her chest. She took a couple deep, slow breathes to keep herself calm but her eyes widened and she fumbled to take off the seat belt.  
Bea saw this from the corner of her eye and she quickly looked at her.  
“Mae, what is it?”

Mae was now taking loud gasps of air as she hurried to get free. She had to get out. She pulled the door handle towards her as she shoved herself against the door. The door flung open and she tumbled out, bracing her fall on her shoulder and her body flipping over. When she rolled on her back she forced herself to keep going to get out of the road. The car that was trailing behind slammed on its brakes as well as the horn. When Mae felt grass, she stood up to run but her legs gave out beneath her much like when a colt falls before it’s able to run. Her mind was running faster than her body. 

“DAMMIT!”  
Bea slammed on her brakes and pulled over to the side of the road so she could run after Mae. She ran to catch up with her even though her lungs felt like they were on fire. Right when Mae could stand was when she caught up to her. She was about to run but Bea grabbed her shoulders and held her in place.  
“Do you have a fucking death wish?! What were you thinking?! You could have caused a wreck!!”

She flung her arms up to swat away Bea’s grip. “Don’t touch me!!” She pushed Bea who responded in a shove back. Mae gasped as she lost her footing and flailed her arms, taking a handful of Bea’s hair as she fell backwards down the hill. Bea was brought down with her. She released her hair when she contacted the ground, rolling the rest of the way down. When they got to the bottom of the hill, Bea was furious.  
“What is your problem?!”

“Leave me alone!”  
Mae got up to run away from her but Bea was too quick. She grabbed her ankle to yank her back on the ground.  
“No! You need to calm her ass down and tell me just what the hell is wrong with you! This can’t just be because of Gregg and Angus moving!”

Mae rolled to her side and lifted her free leg. “What would you know about losing someone?!” She kicked her in the face to get her ankle free then she clawed the dirt to get up. Bea growled viciously and ran after her.  
“Are you fucking kidding me?! What would I know about losing someone?! Are you even listening to yourself?!”

Mae turned around defensively and shouted till her voice cracked.  
“GET AWAY FROM me!!” She coughed to bring her voice back. “Just go smoke another pack!”  
Bea punched her with full force but Mae could react fast enough to block it with her own raised fist. The force from the hit, however, was enough to knock her back on her ass. Mae flopped on her back and reached for a nearby fallen branch when Bea approached her. She leaned down to grab her wrists but Mae lifted her legs and pressed them against Bea’s stomach to keep her back as she swung the branch. It hit her ear then Mae kicked her legs to send her off her feet. They both got up and Mae got into a batting position, her eyes wide and wild. Bea wasn’t stupid enough to get into swinging rang of her.

“You think I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone?! I LOST MY MOM!” She lunged for her, trying to be quick enough to not be hit. Mae saw red. She kept her eyes locked on Bea and swung the branch with all the force she had. Bea held up her arms to block off the hit. Just as she was getting in position to swing again, Bea grabbed the branch and shoved the girl against a tree, pinning branch horizontally against her neck.  
“You didn’t even lose anyone!!”  
Bea quickly sucker punched her.  
“They’re just moving!”  
She sent another punch then they both dropped the stick as Mae returned a punch. Bea hit even harder until Mae finally stopped fighting back. She was crying loudly and slid down the tree to the ground. She covered her face as she bent over in her lap. Bea crouched down to her and Mae clung to her, crying in her chest. She cried until she couldn’t anymore. They were both bruised, bleeding, and sweating; Mae red in the face and chest from crying. They were silent for a while, Bea sitting next to Mae. The dusk turned darker as time passed. Everything hurt.  
Finally, Bea looked over. “Well I’m not going inside the taco place like this.”

“You just punched me in the lip… You think I still want to go eat with you?”

“Good point.”

“… That taco place delivers…”

Bea shook her head and got up. They both looked like they were hit by a train but Mae had more injuries.  
“You sure like food.”

“It’s a comfort thing.”  
Mae was puny though she tried to act like she was fine. Bea grabbed her arm and wrapped it around her shoulder to help her up the hill and back to the car.  
“Can you drive?”

Bea’s ear and head hurt but she was alright enough to drive.  
“Yeah.”

The ride home was a blur to them both. When they arrived at Bea’s, she perched Mae on her couch as she called in their order at the taco place. She also called for someone to take her place at work for the night.  
“The food will be here soon.”

Mae didn’t respond. Bea sighed and sat down beside her.  
“Talk to me, Maeday. What’s going on?”

“I have issues. I think I’m crazy…”

“I don’t. You’re human, you have feelings. Just… talk to someone before they get that extreme. I’m serious! You could have killed yourself.”

“Maybe I wanted too…”

“Don’t make me punch you again.”

“Bea… I’m sad…” She leaned her head on her shoulder.

“Do you want to stay the night?” Bea didn’t know how else to help or comfort her except to let her stay. 

“Can I? I just don’t really want to be alone…” She kept leaning on her until she heard the front door open. It was Bea’s father.

“What happened to you two?”

Bea’s hair was frayed from when Mae had yanked it, her cheek was cut and her face was bruised, her ear was red and still hurting along with her head, her clothes were dirty, and her arms and hands were scratched up and bleeding. Mae’s hair was damp with sweat, her eye was puffy and starting to turn black, her lip was busted, her throat had marks, dirt and cuts were all over her arms, her clothes were stained, and her knees were scraped and burning.  
They looked at each other for a moment then Bea turned to her father.  
“We were bonding.”

“Looks like it.”

“Hey, listen. I ordered some tacos for us. Can you get them when they get here so we can clean up?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Thanks.” She got up and motioned for Mae to follow her. She got a couple of clean towels and placed them on the bathroom counter. They had two bathrooms, a hallway bathroom and one linked to Bea’s room. They were in Bea’s room.  
“You can take a shower here and I’ll use the other bathroom.”

“What about clothes?”

“You can borrow some of mine.” She was about to leave but she looked at Mae as she went in the bathroom. “Don’t lock the door.” She just couldn’t trust her in a locked bathroom.

“Perv.”  
Mae shut the door but didn’t bother locking it. She knew Bea would probably break the door down if she did. She sighed as she started the water. Emotionally she was numb and exhausted. It hurt to undress, the clothes rubbing against all her bruises, but it was even more painful to look at herself in the mirror. She hated seeing her reflection, not because of all the abrasions; she felt she deserved them. She was just never happy with herself. The hot water burned every cut and bruise but Mae didn’t care. She was so tired that it hurt. Thoughts of Gregg came into her mind. She wondered what he was up to right about now.

Bea finished her shower quickly, bandaging up any cuts that needed it. The tacos were sitting on the kitchen table, taken out of the bag and put on paper plates by her father. He also made them two glasses of soda. Bea went into her room, expecting to find Mae. When she didn’t she hurried over to the bathroom.  
“Mae?”  
She could hear the water still running but didn’t hear Mae respond.  
“I’m coming in!”  
She found Mae sitting in the tub, hugging her knees to her chest. The water was now cold as it fell on her. Bea sighed as she turned off the water. She could tell Mae had been crying again, her cheeks were still red.  
“The tacos are here.”

“I’m not hungry…”

“Liar. Am I going to have to drag you out of there?” She extended her hand to her but Mae shrunk back.  
“No! I’m naked!”

“Then get dressed!” Bea tossed a towel over her head and started drying off her hair for her.

“Noo!” She swatted Bea away but it didn’t work. 

“Mae… Let me help you up.”

“… Close your eyes.”

“We have the same things. Stop being a baby.”

Mae huffed but took Bea’s hand, the towel still hanging over her head. She moved the towel so she could see to step out of the tub, one arm awkwardly covering herself while the other hand was in Bea’s for balance. Mae’s face was red now from embarrassment. Bea went in her room to get some pajamas while Mae was left to finish drying off.  
“Cole hadn’t even seen me naked…”

Bea smirked and handed her the clean clothes.  
“Your ex? Well he missed out.”

“Stahp. I’m suing you for sexual harassment!”

She laughed at how red Mae’s face was and she grabbed her old clothes.  
“I’m putting these in the wash. Get dressed so we can eat.”

“Fine… But I feel violated!!”

Bea had already walked out and now Mae looked at the clothes given to her. She slipped on the oversized t-shirt and pulled up the shorts. The shirt went passed the shorts so it looked like she didn’t even have them on. She didn’t feel comfortable with this especially since Bea had pajama pants on, but she was hungry enough to come out for the tacos. As she was walking to the kitchen, her thoughts bugged her again. It was times like this when she felt the worst. Times when she felt fine, normal. She remembers all the trouble she’s caused everyone by freaking out. It makes her wonder how long people will put up with her before they leave. Maybe she should just keep everything inside and don’t tell anyone what she’s going through. Everyone else’s lives would be easier that way. Mae forced her best smile when she saw the tacos and tried to seem like everything was good.  
“TACOS!!”

Bea chuckled and grabbed her plate and cup to carry over to the couch. Mae followed suit.  
“Why are you so loud?”

Mae didn’t have a good comeback so she just retorted, “Maybe I won’t talk anymore then.”

“Good. I’ll finally get some peace and quiet.” She seemed to be completely serious which made Mae huff. She didn’t last a couple minutes without speaking again.  
“That’s rude. What’s on TV?”

They watched a few shows while they ate, Mae messily finishing first. Her thoughts still poked in the back of her mind, but she did her best to focus on better things like food. By the time they went back to Bea’s room for bed, Mae’s mind had won yet again. She went straight for the bathroom, shutting herself off from the world. The mirror mocked her and only proved her mind’s argument to harm her. Mae turned to the side and lifted the large t-shirt. She wasn’t fat. If she sucked in her stomach, then she looked better but overall she didn’t look bad. She couldn’t understand why she hated herself so much. Every part of her body including hair, eyes, face, chest, belly, butt, legs, everything was a disappointment. She despised her own mind from preventing her to be happy. Mae looked over at the toilet, getting the idea of forcing herself to vomit. She stared it down for a moment before going over. Her hand shook as she lowered the seat and sat down, deciding against vomiting. It wouldn’t make much of a difference. She would still hate herself. The counter held her arm as she cried silently. She suddenly sucked in a breath sharply which made her pause everything. She didn’t want to be heard and she especially didn’t want Bea to come get her again. Her eyes were quickly wiped dry before anymore tears could fall. She quickly checked the mirror, frowning at how red her face was, before leaving.  
Bea was already in the bed, lying down. The lamp was cut off but Mae could see enough to make it to the bed. She went over to the vacant spot and lied down before her friend could ask her anything. She didn’t even know if she was awake. Bea was awake but she stayed silent, listening carefully to Mae. They both stayed as quiet as they could for a while. The first one to break the silence was Mae.

“Bea? …”

“Yeah?”

“Am I ever going to get better?”  
Tears broke through the moment she asked the question. She buried her face into the pillow to muffle her cries the best she could. Bea didn’t know how to help. She wanted to but didn’t know what to say or do. After about an hour, Mae cried herself into a restless sleep. Bea couldn’t sleep easy. She was concerned about Mae. By the time Bea drifted to asleep was when Mae was awake in her dreams. Before the task was finished, she woke up. The feeling of her sitting up in bed and the sound of her gasping woke Bea up.  
“Mae? …” She was still half asleep.

“I can’t do this anymore…”

Bea shot up and turned on her lamp.  
“You can’t do what? What’s wrong?”

Mae shook her head and was about to get out of the bed but Bea grabbed her arm.  
“Mae, you have to talk to me.”

“I can’t do this anymore!” Mae was frustrated and frightened through her tears.

“What? Live?”

She nodded and cried louder. Bea pulled her closer despite her fighting back by scratching and kicking.  
“I can’t!”

“Mae! Listen to me! You’re okay.” Bea felt terrible. She had no clue what to do or say. She didn’t know what Mae needed. “Do you want me to take you to the doctor?”

“NO!”

“SHH! Not so loud!”

“NO DOCTOR!”

“Okay! No doctor!”

Mae gave up on her fighting and just let Bea keep her in a lock. She was still gasping occasionally from crying so hard.  
“I don’t want to be crazy…”

“You’re not crazy.” Bea lowered her voice, glad that Mae had done the same.

“I want to be better… I don’t want to live like this anymore…”

“You’ll get better. I don’t know how I don’t know when. But you will. I’m right here.”

\--End--

**Author's Note:**

> Boop XD this wasnt here before! I'm occasionally coming back to add tags that I've forgotten but i also wanted to say thank you all who read this! This is my first NITW story as well as I like to put a lot of myself in characters. If they seem different it's probably cuz they're more like me :3
> 
> Also I want to thank you all for reading this!!


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